Proverbs 17:9 - He who covers an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
‘The quality of our life is dependant on the quality of our relationships’. This is one statement we know so well, and can easily repeat to others. Yet, many times, relationships can be a little tricky...
Just the other day, a staff commented that it’s not easy to speak the truth with grace at times. Even if we try to do it with the best of intentions, the other party may still be offended. It can happen both ways actually. But that should not stop us from building authentic relationships, for they are a true measure of our spiritual maturity.
As Christians, we have a wealth of good counsel in God's word that we can access in relating to our fellow Christians. We come together in our local congregations, bringing with us all our baggage from our individual lives and experiences. Some of us are weak, some are strong. All the situations that exist in life outside the church are also present within the Christian community. Some offend, and some are offended. What do we do with that?
Consider the word ‘cover over’ in Prov 17:9. Another word is ‘overlook’ in Prov 19:11- “A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is his glory to overlook an offence.” This requires more grace than we naturally posses. But we can tap into grace and truth which comes from God. He has promised to supply that which we lack.
Covering over offences is necessary to any relationship. So learning to forgive the offender is key. It is tempting, especially in an argument to dig up all the past mistakes made by the other party. It is tempting in the heat of the moment to dig up past hurts. We say things like ‘You’re always like that. Remember when you did that? You hurt me badly…’ or ‘I told you before to be more sensitive but there you go again, you never change’.
Doing that only widens the rift and deepens the sense of mistrust between two persons. Love, however keeps its mouth shut – difficult though it may be. Love keeps no record of wrongs.
The best way forward really is to follow our Lord’s example. Show grace to others because He has shown us grace. Be merciful to those who betray us, even as Christ is merciful. Stay loyal to those who misunderstand us, because He is a faithful God. Forgive others because Christ has forgiven us. That’s what biblical relationship is all about.
Ps Tan Sok Hwee
